


Only Fools Rush In

by jirlo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is clueless, Carla Price deserves a party, Characters will be added as part of the story, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Dancing together, Eddie Diaz can dance, Eddie Diaz leads, Eddie knows, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26632033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jirlo/pseuds/jirlo
Summary: Buck attends Carla's birthday party with the Diaz boys. Christopher urges his dad and Buck to dance. Unfortunately the silly dancing is interrupted by Elvis' "Can't help falling in love". They could leave the dancefloor, but Eddie leads instead.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In no way I'm associated with 911 or Fox or anything else related.
> 
> Happy reading c:

Carla was not just a simply kind person. She was the kind of person who invested herself into the lives of others but actually gave them a piece of their puzzle. More often, she gave them a family by simply being there. She most definitely deserved a party like no other for her birthday.

Since Buck had met her, he had always admired her strength and power. People said about him how invested he could get. He knew he could get attached too quickly, that sometimes he let his feeling grow too big for himself. Carla had helped him so much in the last years and he had to thank her a lot for growing into his feelings.

When he got an invite to her birthday party, he had happily accepted it – and when he had learned that his two favorite Diaz boys were also invited, he had known it would be an amazing night. For all he know it would be more than just a small backyard-party. He even had heard _dance floor_ in one of his conversations with Carla’s family. Besides the nights with the team from the station, Buck nearly never went out anymore. He just didn’t feel like it. After everything, he tried finally to slow down for his own sake. He had taken the long way around to reach the point where he understood to accept himself first before rushing into anything.

Buck knew Maddie tried to hook him up with people. She was subtle about it, but not with Chimney by her side. Buck loved Maddie too much to tell her no. He knew she was worried about him getting lost and he appreciated the way she cared, even though he sometimes wondered if she tried to make up for lost time. However, the time was not lost. They had missed time to spend together, but they still had so much more to come. Therefore, Buck let her. 

Funny enough he didn’t feel completely out of place. Sure, he hated that he was left behind when the station cleared out. Everybody went home to someone. Buck knew he was welcome in all their families but it was hardly the same.

One day he would find someone to go home to. He just wasn’t there yet and for once he stopped putting pressure on himself – because he always did. Buck wanted to succeed. If he became deeply absorbed in something, he wanted to succeed badly. No matter if it were relationships or jobs. Buck had learned it the hard way. For that reason, alone he had decided to stop pressuring himself.

After all his medical issues over the last two years, Buck was taking it easy on the alcohol. Naturally, he had therefore offered to be the designated driver for that night. He showered and chose the light blue button-down shirt with short sleeves and a pair of jeans. His hair needed a haircut, the curls got harder to be tamed from day to day. Bouncing with anticipation he was ready in no time. He grabbed an old jacket and got on his way.  
Buck arrived a little early at Eddie’s place, parked his jeep and made his way up to the door. He let himself in with the key Eddie had given him. Not so long ago he hadn’t dared to use it. Not even after they had cleared the air. Buck still felt a little off and even though they had talked about it – as far as talking it out went with Eddie – he sometimes still felt nervous.

He knew he was a little too much too often. Still Eddie’s words had rung in his ears for days. It had made him wary, even when he suspected something was going on with Eddie he had taken it slow. But as time had passed he slowly grew bolder again. Using a key was anything but brave. However, he was a guest after all, even when he practically was around at least four days a week.

Buck looked at the set of keys in his hand after he had stepped into Eddie’s home. With an absent smile he tugged it away into the pocket of his jacket.

“Hello?” he called out after he found the living room empty.

“We’re getting ready,” answered Christopher from down the hall.

Buck grinned. Christopher was most like ready. Eddie was usually a little behind because he focused on his son before he even considered his own choices. Christopher was probably dressed up and Eddie was going insane.  
As Buck entered Christopher’s room, he saw he had been right. The boy sat on his bed, ready to go.

“Buck!”, Christopher squealed and Buck sat next to him, embraced the kid in a tight hug and ruffled through the untamed locks.

“You look very handsome for Carla, buddy!”  
Christopher nodded with a wide grin, before his eyes widened and he leaned in to whisper into Buck’s ear.  
“But dad doesn’t know what to wear.”  
Buck could not withhold a rough chuckle on this. He patted Christopher on his back.

“I’ll see what I can do. Maybe it’s already too late.”  
Christopher’s laughter filled the room and Buck’s shoulders shook with amusement. As reached the door, he turned around and gave Chris a warm smile.

“Why don’t you wait in the living room while I rescue your dad, Chris?”

“Deal!”

Before Buck even got close to Eddie’s door, he heard Christopher’s crutches and smiled warmly. That kid never stopped. He didn’t even think about being held back by anything. Christopher was always considering his opportunities and he was never too shy to ask for help if he wanted to achieve his goals. Maybe Buck should take some notes from that kid.

However, when he got his hand on Eddie’s door handle, he heard swearing, but it didn’t swipe the smile from his face – it just made it grow bigger.

He knocked for decency’s sake and entered Eddie’s bedroom and found his best friend in front of a mirror, just ripping a tie down his neck. Their eyes met in the mirror and Eddie slumped his shoulders.

“Sorry, we’re late. It’s my fault.”

Buck shook his head, because that was not a big deal. They were still right on schedule because Eddie was a natural on this. Maybe it was an old habit from his army days or he was just punctual by nature – either way Eddie hated to be late. He sometimes came into work a little late but only if the traffic was bad. Buck on the other hand was surely always trying but most times, he was running late. He rather early that day.

He roamed Eddie’s bedroom. It was such much simpler room compared to Christopher’s. Again, not a big surprise. The kid always came first for Eddie.  
The walls were mostly blank, the night stand tidy and without any clutter. Eddie’s bed was made and carefully so. Buck’s gaze fell on the clothes, that laid on the bed. Eddie must have tossed some possibilities away and seemed to be still unsure on what to choose.

Eddie stood there in black pants and an half opened, plaited shirt. Buck’s eyes lingered on the exposed skin for a moment before he grabbed the dark grey button down from the pile of clothes.

“This one,” he offered it towards Eddie, who turned and smiled at him shyly.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and changed into it. Buck started to hang a few shirts back on the tossed hangers. Most of all to distracted himself from staring at Eddie. He couldn’t say when he had started to do so, but he had caught himself doing it too regularly at work and not just when they were changing. It seemed like he always had an eye on Eddie. Buck always looked for him.

Firstly, he told himself it was because of what happened at the well. Even though his nightmares weren’t as prominent as before – it was one of them.

He had dreams about the tsunami, about the truck – and about that night at the well. It was he kneeling in the dirt again, using his bare hands to get to Eddie.

So, when he had looked out for a sign of Eddie afterwards, he was sure it was about that night. But after a few weeks it seemed like a weak excuse.

“Christopher is clearly better at this than I am,” Eddie stated as he buttoned the last buttons.

“Nah, it’s just easier for you to pick his clothes than yours!”

Eddie’s hand landed on Buck’s shoulder and his head turned quickly to see if the hand was there.

“Yeah and I got you for picking my clothes. Actually, we are lucky that you can pick your own clothes so well.”

Buck smiled and hung two shirts back into Eddie’s wardrobe.

“Come to think about it’s funny. You make so good clothing choices and other moment’s you-,“ Eddie couldn’t finish his sentence because Buck through a pillow right into his face.

“Watch it, Diaz!” Buck pointed his finger warningly at Eddie and raised his eyebrows. Eddie chuckled and held his hands up in defense.

Buck circled the bed and pumped into Eddie’s shoulder.

“We’re leaving, come on. Chris is waiting for hours already!”

* * *

After a few parties with both Eddie and Christopher, Buck had learned that he would not have to get cake for himself. Christopher loved to try every variation, but could never eat it up. So, Buck was left with Christopher’s leftovers and never mind. Of course, it worked just as the times before. Christopher shyly asked if Buck would mind to eat the rest of his cake and Buck faked a very stern face and took the plate happily. Eddie did see right through Buck and when he narrowed his eyes and shook his head in disbelieve Buck just grinned with his mouth full with cake.

Afterwards they listened to heartfelt speeches directed at Carla, who had a hard time keeping a simple smile on her face. Buck could see her tearing up. He glanced over to Eddie as someone talked about how Carla devoted herself to those who needed help and how you felt like a part of her family whoever you were.

Eddie’s look was blissful. Buck knew how thankful his best friend was for having Carla. This woman was a blessing. It hadn’t taken Buck a minute to act as intermediary between Carla and Eddie, after he had learned about Eddie’s situation. By now, Carla was just as much family to Eddie as the other way around. Buck was, too. 

The speeches warmed Buck’s heart, because they were so fitting. When Christopher turned to tell Eddie how lucky they were to know her, Buck’s smile grew even bigger. Carla and Christopher were a perfect match. Both with a big heart, a lot of love and an unbelievable strength inside.

Diner came and all felt very well fed and sated. Other than Eddie and Buck, Christopher seemed to be full of energy and when the dance floor opened, he wanted to dance with both of them. They took turns and were thankful when Carla stepped in to have a dance with _her_ Christopher.

“He’s grown so much, man,” Buck said as he leaned closer to Eddie. They both had turned the chairs to face the dance floor and sat side by side. Their legs nearly touched, Eddie had a bottle of beer in his hand and Buck a class of water.  
Eddie bumped his knee into Bucks tight and nodded; his gaze in abstraction.

“I know.”

Buck saw how he had activated a nostalgic bliss on Eddie’s face. Time was going by so fast.

“We have time, don’t worry,” he whispered towards his best friend, who let out a breathed laughter.

“Yeah, we do,” Eddie turned and scanned Buck’s face. His mouth opened as if to say something, but Christopher interrupted him. They both shifted their gaze towards the kid.

“You have to dance!” The boy had a wide grin on his lips.

Buck leaned forward, braced his forearms on his tights and tilted his head.

“Where do you get the energy from?” He narrowed his eyes to look very suspicious and earned a warm laughter from Christopher for that.

“ _I_ need a break – you have to dance! You and dad!” Christopher said and Carla nodded behind him.

“Mhm,” she added approvingly.

Buck leaned back into his chair, faced Eddie and shrugged his shoulders. Eddie tilted his head and looked at Chris. The boy was beaming.

“We can’t deny the kid a wish, Buck – can we now?”

“We are not _that_ coldhearted,” Buck clutched his heart in mocking shock.

Eddie clicked his tongue.

“Alright,” Buck said. He placed his glass on the table, smacked his hands on his tights and got up. He offered a hand to Eddie, who slowly looked up from Buck’s hand to his eyes.

Buck knew Eddie wasn’t a big fan of this, but Christopher’s happiness came first for Eddie – always. Therefore, the man placed the bottle of beer on the table and reached for the hand, which pulled him of the chair.

As they joined the dance floor Buck was quick to start moving around foolishly. Eddie eyed him wary and ran his hands over his face. After a short moment, he relaxed and focused on Buck, who never seemed to think much about what others thought.

Buck saw Eddie let loose and gave into the shenanigans. He laughed loud and honestly and they were goofing around a lot more than he had imagined. The song was over before they had even spent two minutes on the dance floor. Buck pouted his lips towards Eddie and his shoulders slumped. He had underestimated how much he needed a silly dance like this.

Eddie shrugged and looked at Buck while he waited for the next song to start. Just by the first seconds of the intro, that made Buck’s eyes grew a little. He didn’t take his eyes of Eddie’s as he listened to Elvis’ voice and how wise men say, that only fools rush in.

The other man tilted his head and gazed over Buck’s shoulders, where he could see Christopher. Buck twisted his head and saw the pleading look on Christopher’s face. Clearly, the first short dance had not been enough to be considered a proper dancing from Christopher’s perspective.

When he turned back around, he found Eddie’s eyes on him, one eyebrow raised in question. Instead of a nod or a verbal answer, Buck took a step closer to Eddie.

They both reached out their left hand to rest on the side of the other and chuckled.

“We can’t both lead, Buck.”

Buck gulped and nodded. He placed his right hand on Eddie’s left shoulder.

“I can’t, anyway,” he mumbled as the joined their hands.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_

Eddie’s mood was still loose and light. The moments of their last dance enough to make him relax. Buck on the other hand felt on fire.

As they started to sway, Eddie snugged his hand from Buck’s side so it rested on Buck’s back and drew him closer. Their faces were barely an inch away from each other and Buck’s gaze fell to the ground. Unfortunately he couldn’t see the ground. Eddie’s mouth and chin were in his field of vision, also Eddie’s chest and the little space that was between their bodies. Buck felt his face heat up. He could not look up and into Eddie’s eyes, mainly because he was totally sure that it was written all over his face. _It_ meaning his undeniable urge to look at Eddie. Instead he moved his head a little to the side.

Even though Buck was taller by one or two inches, Eddie could easily look over Bucks shoulder and pressed his face ever so slightly into Buck’s. Their cheeks brushed from time to time. Eddie could see Christopher’s happy face and didn’t mind the world around them. That was enough for him.

Buck on the other hand didn’t know how to even breathe normally. Eddie’s light stubble on his cheek, his hand on his back and the other holding his – it was a little much to keep control over at the same time. He hoped he wasn’t sweating or that Eddie still hadn’t noticed his face heating up.

He let his gaze wander but realized that nobody in the room seemed to mind. As if this was the most normal thing for them to do. Funny enough that helped him more than any internal mantra.

Buck moved his hand over Eddie’s shoulder and rested it on the back of his neck. Absently he brushed his thumb over Eddie’s neck and along the hairline. He didn’t even realize it until Eddie pressed his hand into the small of Buck’s back and pushed them even closer together.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

Buck’s breath hitched and he stilled the movements of his thumb instead he let out a huffed breath close to Eddie’s ear. Their innocent swaying was slowly changing.

He blinked because Buck was not sure if he imagined it. However, he was most certain, that Eddie was dancing more from his hips than before. The pressure on the small of Buck’s back hadn’t loosened up either. It was like Eddie held him so close on purpose, like he actually wanted Buck so close to him.

Although Eddie might not like to dance, he had quite some skills. Buck acknowledged that.  
The way he led them over the floor gave Buck the feeling of coming home. He didn’t think about what the next day held or what problems were just waiting around the corner. He could stay there with Eddie, just dancing, holding each other.

Eddie’s breath was warm on Buck’s neck and so he started to brush his fingers over Eddie’s neck again. It was wholesome.

When the song ended, they both stilled their movements but did not step back immediately. They didn’t let go of their joined hands, just lowered them as they took a step back and looked into each other’s face.

Buck had a terrible blush on his cheeks, he knew. He saw how Eddie chewed his lower lip and Eddie’s hooded eyes. It made Buck wet his own lips and he inhaled a sharp breath when Eddie’s eyes darted down to Buck’s mouth.

He did not imagine it. Buck’s breath got labored. Though they had lowered them, they still held hands. It was simple, but so big. Buck knew, he had to say something or do something.

Buck opened his mouth to speak, but before he got a chance, he heard clapping behind him and turned his head. Christopher cheered at them and he huffed a laugh. As he looked back to Eddie, he saw the other man looking at Christopher as well. His eyes were warm and focused on his son. Buck looked down at their hands and his stomach flipped once more. Eddie tugged at Buck’s hand, whose eyes shot up but Eddie stilled looked to Christopher. He loosened his grip at Bucks hand and walked straight over to Christopher.

Buck blinked at the floor and shook his head in disbelieve before he turned and joined the two of them. He barely noticed what they were talking about, only realized that Eddie looked at him twice as he talked to a giggling Christopher. His eyes ranked over Eddie’s body and he only smiled when he heard Christopher said his name, because he usually did.

He needed to get back from his daydream, shook his head and clapped his hands. Buck didn’t know what to say, so instead he offered both Diaz boys to get them a refill of drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I did it again. How did that happened? I thought one Buddie fic and I would be done... Haha, I didn't saw that one coming.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it - tell me what you think! Comments & kudos are very welcome :)
> 
> I will probably update within a week!
> 
> Have lovely week!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck needs some air after the dance. He surely had imagined all of it. Right? Right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not 100% on board this time. I don't know, I might rushed into it.  
> Anyway - I'm happier with this chapter than with the first - so...
> 
> Happy reading c:

It was not tough to get Eddie another beer and a low sugar drink for Christopher but it took Buck longer than expected. He walked by the entire buffet, even though he was not hungry. Before he returned to the table, he had two glasses of water.

When he walked back, he saw that Eddie and Christopher had company – two of Carla’s nieces had joined them. Buck placed the cup in front of Christopher, who thanked him so politely that he felt his lips curve into a smug half-sided grin. He didn’t drop it when he put down the beer for Eddie and placed his hand on the other man’s shoulder. _There you go._ Eddie mouthed a _thank you_ and Buck took a free chair across from him.

Eddie always was an attentive listener in conversations. He was polite but not very chatty most times. Then again he never really was. Buck knew that his best friend did not wear his heart on his sleeve. Thankfully, Carla’s entire family could lead a conversation and while paired with Christopher neither Buck nor Eddie were especially necessary.

Buck stared at his glass and concentrated hard on the way he swung it on the edges. He wasn’t paying attention to the conversation but a full and loud laughter from his right let him snap out of his trance. One side of his mouth climbed up slightly. It might looked like a smile but it wasn’t.

Before he locked eyes with Eddie, he felt his gaze on him. Buck looked up and found he was right. Eddie’s eyes were still a little hooded and he smiled warmly at Buck. The latter could not withhold a smile himself at this.

If Buck wouldn’t know better he would say that Eddie was staring at him – very openly. He would even say that those brown eyes scanned his face, lingered on his mouth before they locked again with his blue ones.

Buck lost his smile on the idea alone and gulped. His gaze shifted to his hands but he had to look up again. If Eddie was still watching him, then he clearly was not imagining it.

Eddie chose the exact moment wet his lips before he sucked in his lower lip. What if Buck was not imagining any of it?

What if Eddie had just scanned his face, stared at his lips and was still watching him?

What if Eddie had actually pulled him close on purpose when they were dancing?

Buck ran his hand over his own mouth and drew his eyes from Eddie, just in time to realize that Carla’s niece, Martha, had asked him something.

_Sorry, I wasn’t listening – my best friend’s bone structure is intoxicating._

He tried to push his thoughts as far away as possible and politely asked the woman to repeat the question. This time he paid attention; it was a follow-up question on a story Christopher had told her. Buck chuckled at the memory and joined the conversation. He was thankful to get out of his own mind.

Out of the corner of her eye Buck saw Chris and Eddie chatted happily. He looked over for a brief second before he returned his focus on the conversation.   
Chris clearly just wrapped Eddie around his fingers – again. The scratching of their chair legs pulled Buck’s attention back.

Martha talked next to him, but more to her sister than to Buck. He turned his body slightly so he could see the Diaz’ boys better.

Christopher’s crutches leaned on the table and he could see how Eddie hold onto his son’s upper arms and how the boy mirrored it. By this Eddie gave him enough stability and they started to dance to the music that Buck had nearly forgotten about.

The way Christopher smiled was heartwarming. It always did the trick for Buck and he knew, he could never say no to this face. Eddie had told him several times how he was spoiling Christopher but Buck didn’t see how that could be a bad thing.

However, the way Eddie laughed hit Buck differently. He had seen this laugh a few times, the unguarded one. It was like a holy grail. It was the one thing, Buck wanted to see more often.

Eddie’s eyes squinted when he laughed like this, little crinkles around them and Buck knew how his eyes became darker when he did it. The sound that escaped Eddie’s mouth was just as dark and full, it was warm and rich. Sometimes Eddie would throw his head back and massage the bridge of his nose if he laughed like this for too long. It had happened before.

Buck had seen it at movie night, at the station or in ridiculous conversation the two of them had have. The smile had grown itself on Bucks lips and had become sessile.

He blinked at the scene in front of him.

A few minutes ago Buck had been there with Eddie and he remembered how he had thought about staying like this forever. But what he saw in front of him was even better. Eddie and Christopher. How had he thought of them as _his_ two favorite Diaz’ boys.

_Take my hand – take my whole life, too._

Shit.

How did that happen? _When_ did that happen?

To have Eddie holding him close, to let him lead Buck through the crowd and to know, they would come back to Christopher – that was just the life he wanted. His whole life. The lyrics kept creeping into Bucks mind. 

The smile fell from his face and he knitted his eyebrows before he took his glass and got up. He had to get away; he had to get out of there – for at least a few moments. He didn’t look up, only made short apologies on his way until he reached the exit. Once Buck was outside on a rather beautiful terrace, he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

The air was fresh and a welcome change. Buck hadn’t even realized how warm it was inside until then. However, he took deep breaths. Internally he told himself to count to three on each step. Breathing in, holding it, exhaling. As he felt his breathing stabilize, he opened his eyes.

It was nice out there and Buck wondered how he hadn’t realized it before that night.

The concrete tiles weren’t up to date, but the terrace was framed with a long bench. Behind the bench plants grew and deluded Buck into imagining a wide garden. Since only the light from the room behind Buck flooded the terrace, he couldn’t see if there actually was a garden. 

The golden stream of light barely reached the bench.

Buck was happy for the dark – and the silence. He closed the slide door and it became peaceful.

With four strides he reached the bench and sat down. His forearms rested on his thighs, the glass still in his hands. Buck took a sip and peered into the light and shadow on the tiles in front of him.

He liked Eddie, didn’t he?

How had he never seen that before?

Buck laughed at himself. It was more a breath than a laughter, but he couldn’t hold back. As he shook his head slightly he went over some recent thoughts.

He barely went out anymore, besides evenings with his fire fam. Or movie nights if their schedule allowed it. Not too long ago he had feared for them as well, when Eddie had started seeing Ana. But when those dates petered out, it was like they had never happened in the first place.

Buck had told himself he was slowing down, to get to peace with himself. What if he was slowing down, because he wasn’t looking for anyone?

It wasn’t like Buck was unhappy with who he was. He had made mistakes in his past; he had taken too long to finally engage in a relationship and ended with his heart broken. The one thing I wanted to avoid if possible, but as they all had said before – you can grow because of those things.

He had pondered on what had went wrong with Abby so many times that he had stopped counting. Most times he was convinced he hadn’t been good enough but as time had gone by this thought had shifted. He had been a good person; Abby had been a good person. Even together they had been good. It was not about being good enough. They just weren’t meant to be. 

Other days he had thought that it was about being too much. He had put himself out there for her; he had pushed his own limits and given everything he could possibly imagine. If this had been the actual case, than he still hadn’t improved.

Buck wanted to be anything but exhausting. Still, he dove in headfirst. He told himself he won’t regret it every time he did it. However, he often did. Eddie had told him how exhausting he could be.

With Eddie he wanted to be many things – but not exhausting.

If being too much to handle had been his problem to begin with, than he sure as hell should push any glimpse of liking Eddie like _this_ away. Far away. Maybe he could go through a heartbreak again just not with that person.

The silence faded and Bucks vision refocused and he recognized the shoes entering his field of view. Of course it would be Eddie.

The slide door closed again and soon after Eddie sat down beside him. Buck fixated his gaze to the ground and fumbled with his glass.

“Are you okay?”, Eddie asked and Buck couldn’t bring himself to speak up, so he nodded.

“Good because I was afraid you left us here.”

Buck smiled and his shoulders shook for a short moment. He turned his head and saw Eddie’s grin. The man sat back, legs spread out and forearms rested on the curb of the flowerbed.

“You’re helpless without me," Buck played it off, although he knew Eddie could just call a cap. 

The grin on Eddie's face widened and his eyes trailed off to watch the room.

“For once. Maybe.”

Buck looked in the same direction Eddie did. Through the windows, they could see most tables and the dancefloor. Christopher was sitting with Carla and obviously had the time of his life.

“He is so happy,” Eddie whispered into the dark.

“Yeah, he is,” Buck soaked it in. The boy was so friendly and could be s stage hog if he felt comfortable.

“I’m glad we are here.” Buck nodded because he had no idea how to tell Eddie that he was too happy to be there with them. With him at that moment.

“Just thinking that we nearly lost that, man that would have been a shame.”

It made Buck turn back around. Eddie’s face was relaxed, a smile ghosting his lips. It took Buck a second to catch up. They nearly lost their chance to sit there together and Buck knew it would have been his fault. However, before he could say how sorry he still felt, Eddie continued. 

“I’m glad we didn’t. Just wanted to tell you."

Buck was positive he had lost every single word he ever knew. Instead, he could just swallow and wait for Eddie to keep going. He didn’t and Buck wasn’t sure if he could talk about anything right then and there. A silence stretched between them. It was not uncomfortable nor awkward. They had sat in silence before and it never had been a problem. That memory made Buck inhale deeply and he relaxed a little. 

“Do you think he is convincing Carla to dance with him?”, Eddie asked him finally.

Buck laughed at that and on that he locked eyes with Eddie for a moment. Before Buck gave an answer, he leaned back and joined Eddie in the same position.

“100 percent yes,” he chuckled, “he get’s everybody on the dancefloor.”

“Everybody,” Eddie repeated his voice lower but not a whisper.

“Yeah,” Buck breathed.

They sat in silence. Some chirping filled the air and the dull sound of music came from the room. The people inside looked happy and frisky, danced and talked. Buck felt like he was an uninvited observant. Alternatively, maybe even living in a completely different world.

“Also,” Eddie started, “I’m glad you can’t lead.”

Buck pouted his lips and took a sip from his water.

“Fumbling for dominance in front of all those people,” he gestured, “I just didn’t want to embarrass you, Eds. Lying was easier.”

“Sure,” Eddie chuckled next to him. Buck mockingly moved his hand to his chest, right where his heart was and with his mouth agape, he starred at Eddie.

“You can’t lead. Just admit it, Buckley. ”

Buck couldn’t. He never had dance lessons, although he enjoyed dancing. If he danced with women, it had never been a formal occasion. However, his height and physique covered that fact rather well. Not as if the women had ever mind.

“Alright,” he admitted and tilted his head to the side, “busted.”

“Huh,” Eddie nodded, with a satisfied grin on his face. Buck rolled his eyes and let his head fall back to look at the dark night sky. It was a pity that it was still too bright out there to actually see the stars.

“I can lead you whenever you want, Buck,” Eddie said. His voice was husky and soft.

Buck turned his head to find that Eddie looked at him. They had shared the same soft look as they had done at the table earlier. Eddie’s eyes warm and dark, his face relaxed with a knowing smile. Buck knew he looked at Eddie’s lips for too long but he couldn’t look away.

Other than on the dancefloor his eyes didn’t check if anybody was looking at them. He knew they were alone. They way Eddie’s voice sounded and how he looked at Buck made him forget all those facts.

“Maybe I let you,” he whispered and lifted his gaze to look into those dark brown eyes.

Eddie shifted and rested his right hand on Buck’s neck.

“I’d like that,” Eddie said with hoarse voice and he brushed his thumb over Buck’s cheek.

Buck wet his lips and tried to decide if he should ask for a break to process all this but then again that would be a stupid idea.

The door slid open and Bucked leaned away from Eddie’s touch. Carla was guiding Christopher outside and looked carefully where they boy sat his crutches. With the little threshold, her checking was just a precaution.

Buck heard how Eddie’s hand ran over the stumble on his face before he spoke.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing out here?”

“I think he is trying to conquer sleep,” Carla answered. Buck could see she was right. Christopher’s eyes were smaller than usual. Even his smile was sleepy.

“Aw, come here, superman – sit with me and your old man.”

Eddie bumped his fist into Buck’s upper arm on that but withdraw it in an instance. Christopher came over and Buck and Eddie made room for him to sit in between them.

As Buck smiled at Christopher who was clearly fighting sleep, he caught Eddie’s gaze. Buck hadn’t imagined what just happened. He knew it for sure, he had been right there and Eddie had laid his hand on Buck’s neck. Eddie had leaned in a little. If Buck was honest, he had, too.

Buck saw the blush on Eddie’s cheek and the warm smile on the lips he starred at too often in the last hours.

Christopher’s weight sagged against Buck’s upper arm and it drew his attention from Eddie’s face. He moved his arm so his hand wrapped around the boy’s shoulder and Christopher could nestle against him.

“I think we should get you home, superman.”

“No!” Chris obviously put all the energy that was left in him into this word, but his closing eyes gave the lie away. Buck looked over to Eddie, who just nodded and took Chris’s crutches before he raised.

Buck scooped Christopher up and followed Eddie back inside. They made a quick stop at their table, were Eddie collected their jackets and another stop when they reached Carla. She hugged both Eddie and Buck, brushed her hand over Christopher’s head and said her good byes.

Eddie brushed against Buck as they walked out to get to the car. They had walked like this more than once. It had never occurred to Buck, it was anything but normal. Maybe it was totally normal.

Normal, it was he _with_ Eddie and Christopher, the man walking next to him and the boy sleeping in his arms; they leaving a party and driving home _together_.

“The keys are in my jacket,” Buck whispered, but Eddie already had it because he knew where Buck had his keys. Hell, they both could let themselves into the other’s home. Eddie opened the back door behind the passenger seat.

Buck guided a sleeping Christopher into the back of his jeep and carefully adjusted the seatbelt. When he leaned back to close the door, Eddie’s hand grasped his bicep. They exchanged a look, a short thank you from Eddie’s eyes as they had done several times before.

Only this time Buck wondered how innocent those gestures really were. Buck closed the door and moved around the jeep. Before he got in, he took a deep breath and shook his head as if it would shake out the odd thoughts and feelings.

When he got comfortable in his driving seat, Eddie was already secured and ready. He had their jackets on his laps and his right arm above the door handle and leaned his head against the window. Buck checked Christopher one more time before he started the engine and backed out of their parking spot.

The traffic was low and the radio played a melancholic tune. They weren’t in the care for more than three minutes when Eddie started to change the radio station. Buck smiled on the road in front of him while he entered the main street. It happened every time. Eddie almost always changed the radio station when he drove with Buck.

Buck usually jumped from channel to channel until he found a song he liked, while Eddie had a favorite station and didn’t mind the songs. However, Buck had no problem with Eddie doing so. He let him without a comment.

When Eddie found it he leaned back against the window sill. Buck concentrated on the street, glad Eddie wasn’t bringing up a conversation. When the news were over and a new song started. Buck liked that one and started humming along. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel and he checked the back mirror to see if Christopher was still sleeping.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Eddie’s head turn to face Buck. He still didn’t want to talk and most certainly it would wake up Christopher. So he continued to hum the song quietly and drove them through the night.

Eddie once turned his upper body completely to check on Christopher at the same time Buck checked up on him over the mirror.

Earlier Buck had thought of the word normal. But situations like this, they were normal for families. Two adults in the front of the car, on their drive home and both checked on the kid in the back.

He already considered the team as his family and joked about that. However, if Chimney, Hen and Bobby were family to him – where did that leave Eddie and Christopher? He spent more time with Eddie than with any other member of the team. They worked in sync and trusted each other. At least Buck trusted Eddie with his life and Eddie had told him that he trusted Buck with Christopher. Buck knew, Chris meant the world to him – so in conclusion Eddie trusted Buck completely.

Buck parked his car behind Eddie’s in his driveway. He killed the engine but couldn’t move his hands from the steering wheel. Mainly because he had no idea what to do with them.

“Sleeping boy or crutches?”, Eddie whispered.

“Crutches. Plus I’ll free you from those jackets,” Buck gave Eddie a half-sided grin as I grabbed the jackets from his lap. Eddie narrowed his eyes at Buck but one without heat before he climbed out of the car and started to get Christopher from the back seat.

Buck watched for a second. The way Eddie hushed words of reassurance and love towards Christopher warmed Buck’s heart. He had actually problems to tear himself from the scene to get out of the car. He waited until Eddie had Christopher in his arms and moved over to the door.

Before Buck closed the door, he caught the crutches and walked up behind Eddie. The smile was attached at Buck’s face. It always was when Eddie interacted with Christopher. Those were such private moments. Moments in which Eddie’s true self showed ever so often and he allowed Buck to see it. Let him see the goofy and silly side just as much as the emotional side. Buck cherished this privilege.

Eddie waited in front of the door and Buck hurried up to help him with the key. He held the door open and let Eddie slip in. Both men eyed Christopher and the doorframe attentively.

Without any more stops Eddie walks Chris over to his room. Not too far in the future, it would be though for Eddie – or Buck for that matter – to carry the boy so easily. Not just because of his weight, most of all because of Christopher’s self-awareness.

Buck hung both Eddie’s and Christopher’s jackets on the wardrobe and he pulled his own over. He walked along the small hall so he could give Eddie the crutches. Before he got a chance to sneak in, he faced Eddie. Both froze abruptly in place and blinked at each other.

“Erm, he was asking for you,” Eddie stuttered. Buck’s eyebrows raised up. It was the first time that night that Eddie showed any sign of uncertainty in a conversation between them. Buck nodded and squeezed past Eddie. He placed the crutches close to the bed at the nightstand, so Chris could reach them without help in the morning.

Christopher was tugged in and the small lamp on the nightstand was on. He smiled at Buck, his eyes small and his glasses were already off. Buck sat down on the edge of the bed and braced his weight on his arm.

“Hey champ,” he whispered, “you have a good night and sweet dreams, okay?”

“Yes, Buck!”

“Dream of all the dancing you’ve done tonight,” Chris giggled at that and Buck smiled.

“Good night, superman!”

“Good night, Buck!”

With last energy, Christopher held his arms up and Buck engaged him in a short hug. He stroked the blond curls one more time before he turned off the light.

Carefully as possible Buck tiptoed out of the boy’s room and left the door slightly ajar.

Eddie leaned on the wall across from Christopher’s door; arms crossed and he bit his lips. Buck couldn’t look at him, his gaze wandered from the wall behind Eddie to the floor and to his shoulders.

“I better get going,” Buck mumbled as he buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

Eddie pushed himself from the wall and gestured Buck to go first. As they reached the door and Buck had taken a step over the threshold, he turned around. Eddie held the door and abutted on the doorframe.

“Good night, Eds. It was a… I had fun.”

Eddie let his head fall against the frame and ranked Buck’s form with hooded eyes.

“Alright – we see each other at the station tomorrow night,” with that Buck turned around a started walking off.

“Thank you,” he heard Eddie call out. Even though he didn’t turn around he didn’t take a step further. Both hands in his pockets were fists by then and he stared into the nothingness in front of him.

“For the driving.”

Buck tilted his head, so Eddie could hear his response.

“No big deal.”

“…and for the evening.” Buck looked down and smiled. He turned around.

“As I said – I had a great time, too, Eddie.” The dark haired man nodded. “You know I love spending time with you two.”

Buck shut his eyes close. That might had been a little much information. He raised his hand to gesture a final good bye but Eddie spoke up before he got a chance to do so.

“And thank you for the dance, Evan.”

Buck blushed. His face heated up and his breath hitched. Eddie – or no one in general – didn't call him Evan. However, Eddie could do it more often.

“See you tomorrow,” Eddie said before he stepped back inside and closed the door.

Did that night happen or was Buck going to wake up any time soon? Because he was not completely sure that this was all true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, I'm actually looking forward to your opinions :) 
> 
> Have a good friday and an awesome weekend!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody - it's here: The end of another short story and I hope you enjoy it.  
> Considering the usual length of my chapters, it's gigantic ;) 
> 
> Happy reading c:

If the night had been a dream than it had been a nightmare – at least in retro perspective. Buck hadn’t slept. He had tossed around in his sheets but couldn’t settle. All the adrenaline and thoughts had kept him awake.

When his alarm went off, he was already staring at the ceiling waiting for it to happen. He got out of bed and took a long shower. Right then he had no clue how to get through the day at the station, mainly because the lack of sleep would creep up onto him when he should focus.

By the time, he arrived at the station he had pushed the memory in the back of his mind and straightened his shoulders. With the duffle bag over his shoulder, he walked into work. It was quiet. The truck was ready, the gallery was empty and for a brief second Buck was sure, he just had walked into a ghosted station. But as soon as he furrowed his brows, he heard Chimney swearing not too far to his right and while Buck chuckled he went into the locker room to get changed.

As he turned, the corner Eddie came into sight and that sight made Buck stop in his track. His gaze flickered over Eddie before it dropped to the ground and he mumbled a short greeting. Eddies response was much friendlier than Bucks, but to be honest, Buck was quite proud that he had gotten a word out at all. With his back turned on Eddie, Buck changed and listened to Eddies words.

Eddie was not a big talker but he could hold a conversation with Buck easily. Buck knew that and he knew that Eddie was the one person he could talk about everything with. So, he listened how Eddie talked about his morning with Christopher and how the boy was so pumped because of the night before. Buck smiled at the inside of his locker, to unsure to turn around.

As Eddie exited, he patted Bucks shoulder. It was then that Buck realized that he had barely said a word. It would be a long shift.

Buck had been right. It was a long shift. An everlasting change of sleep in the bunk to recover and calls that required pure attention. Even though Buck couldn’t push himself to be very talkative he was doing good. The team – or at least Hen, Chim and Bobby – asked him several times if he was all right. Mainly because he never was that quiet. He didn’t know. He was not avoiding Eddie, he just could not talk to him properly. Buck tried to put some distance between himself and the thoughts that had kept him awake all night. Since Eddie was a part of his thoughts – maybe even the reason they existed – he had to keep a little distance.

Eddie however did take his side and cut into the frequently questions from the others and covered Buck as usual. That didn’t help Buck at all.

* * *

Buck had hoped it would be easier as time passed by but unfortunately it became worse. After their shift he went home took a cold shower and landed on his couch.

He couldn’t decide what he wanted to watch he switched channels and tossed the remote a few times. After more than an hour he did give up and killed the tv as well as the lights before he moved upstairs. Buck flopped on his bed, face down and groaned as he heard his phone ping.

It was a message from Eddie, who sent Buck a picture of him and Christopher from their last movie night.

> We need to have another asap – Christopher’s demand.

While he ran a hand over his face to cover his eyes, he tried to think about an actual night with Eddie and Christopher without drooling over his best friend. Buck knew he could not deny Chris a wish and he loved movie nights at the Diaz’ house but right now he had no idea how to survive one.

After he placed the phone on the nightstand, he tried to fetch some sleep.

By the next morning, he had barely slept four hours but again had turned around relentlessly. While Buck stared at his reflection in the mirror, he had no problem to admit he looked exhausted, he might even admit he looked like shit and Buck was already done with the day ahead of him.

“So what do you say about movie night?”, Eddie’s hand was on his shoulder as soon as he had entered the locker room where Buck was just done changing in front of his locker.

Buck put away his shirt and bag before he turned.

“Oh, man – you don’t look good”, Eddie grabbed Bucks biceps with both his hands, “rough night?” The half sided smile was warm and Buck attached his eyes longer than probably necessary to Eddies mouth.

“Couldn’t sleep”, he answered as he tried to shrug Eddie’s hands off but instead the grip on his upper arms only tightened. The smile fell and the brown eyes lost their warmth. Concern was written all over Eddie’s face and when he spoke, his voice was low.

“Evan”, the use of his first name always made Buck shiver, “are you- are you having nightmares?”

Buck locked eyes with Eddie, licked his lips and shook his head.

“You can tell me, Buckley!”

“I know. But I don’t, Eddie.”

Eddie scanned Buck’s face over and slowly nodded.

“I mean it, Buck – you can tell me. Chris has them, too.” That made Buck tense and he narrowed his eyebrows. He watched his best friend’s face darken.

“Not often, though.”

“Eddie,” Buck mumbled, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were doing better and seeing you getting your strength back helped me being stronger for Christopher. I know I can tell you, I know you love Chris. But your health is just as important and you tend to forget that.”

Buck felt Eddie’s hand leave his arms.

“Eddie, I can take care of myself.”

“Sure”, Eddie pulled a face and started to turn around.

“Seriously, you don’t have to take care of me.”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, Buckley.”

With that, Eddie left the locker room and for a moment Buck felt himself relax, even giggle for a moment. 

* * *

Their shift was nearly done when the bell went off. A structure fire downtown. As usual Eddie and Buck sat together in the back of the truck and listened carefully to Cap and the first information they got.

“We won’t be the only house there, whoever is the lead – we listen and take the tasks we get appointed with, is that clear?”

They all accepted the admonition; all knew too well, how reckless their decisions could be sometimes, especially in the line of duty. Silently they got out of the truck, grabbed their tools and followed Bobby, who was on his way to report to another unit.

“Captain Nash and the team from the 118. Where do you need us?”

The man in front of Bobby was tall and solid; he had a dark mustache, which matched his full furrowed brows. When he spoke, a rich and dark voice filled Bucks ears.

“I’m Captain Porter – you have a good timing, Captain Nash. I just send my unit in for a floor sweep, but the team on the second floor could use some hands.”

“Buck, Eddie – you heard the man. Buckle up and report by any chance!”

“Cover that,” the two of them answered unison before the knelt down to put their masks on and their helmets back on. They made their way to the entry and exchanged a final look, full of trust and reassurance that they could do it. With a nod, they entered and made their way up.

Over the radio, they heard how Captain Porter informed his crew about them joining as well as they heard Bobby, who checked in with Hen and Chimney on the ground floor. The staircase was free and Buck and Eddie joined the two firefighters on the second floor.

Although communication was essential in a good teamwork, they had to keep it short. The two firefighters, Vega and Hughes, had just stared their sweep and settled with a split. Eddie and Buck took the right side of the hall and started right away.

“Fire department, call out!”

Most of the apartments were empty but behind the sixth door, they found an elderly woman. Eddie hooked her under and gestured towards the door. As he entered the hallway right behind Buck, they met Hughes and Vera. Hughes had a teenager in his arms, who seemed unconscious. Bucks eyes flickered from Eddie to Hughes to Vera.

“Okay – you get them out, I end the sweep with Vera!” He screamed and pushed Eddie slightly towards the staircase. Vera nodded and gestured her partner in the same direction.

As Eddie and Hughes moved away, Buck joined Vera and they swept the remaining apartments. Before they could call out on the last door, it was ripped open and a young man, covered with a soaked blanket entered the hall.

“Hey, hey – come with us – we’re getting you out of here!”

Since the man seemed to be good on his feet, they took him between them and started moving towards the staircase. The young man named Dean ducked his head a little and Buck wished he could give him a part of his gear, because he could only imagine how stressful and hard the way must be for him. When they reached the door to the staircase, they were stopped. Something blocked the door. Both Buck and Vega tried to open it up but without success.

“Dean – is there another way?”, Vega shouted. Buck watched the expression on the pale face carefully.

“I don’t know – I.” Shock. Of course. Buck put his hand on Dean’s shoulders to calm him.

“We have to try again, come on!”

With joined forces, Buck and Vega prized the door open far enough to let Dean and Vega slip through before Buck hurried to join them. The smoke had gotten thicker and heavy, they had to hurry. As they came closer to the exit Buck noticed Dean’s walk getting slower. He was quick enough to catch the man before he fell, but had to carry him further. Vega joined him and together they dragged Dean downstairs.

Bucks vision wasn’t black he could make out the light as he neared the door but his vision was miserable. The man was dead weight against his left shoulder and he felt his bad leg started to cramp.

“C’me on, man,” Buck breathed, “we’re nearly there!”

He hoisted the man a little higher, heard the coughing and gritted his teeth. They were nearly there.

“Come on!” Buck told himself just as much as he told the man next to him. When they reached the door, Buck felt a small relieve ran through his body. They actually made it.

Unfortunately, his vision didn’t immediately clear up, the smoke was heavy but not as strong and dense as it had been before. So, Buck kept walking until Hen came into his field of vision to help him with the man and Chimney joined her soon after too lift the weight off of Buck.

Freed from the man Buck just stood there and got the helmet and mask of his face to get more air. The first thing he heard was his first name and his head followed the sound but before his brain could connect the dots, he was pulled into a hug and could make out dark brown hair from the side of his eyes.

“Evan,” the soft mumble next to his ear snapped Buck out of his daze. He let the tool, helmet and mask sink to the ground and raised his hands to hug Eddie back. With full gear on it was harder to hug someone, but Eddie had a dead grip on him and clung to Buck.

He made a few Spanish words out of Eddies mumbling, which went quieter and quieter. Eddie was not wearing his gloves, Buck realized it when he felt fingers brush along his hairline at the back of his neck. The hand cradled Buck’s head and pulled him closer towards Eddie.

“I thought I lost you.”

* * *

As soon as Buck was in his car, he let his headrest against the seat and inhaled deeply. He made it through the shift – an energy-draining shift. However, he made it and on one hand, he was glad it was over. On the other hand, his mind went back to the moment after he had exited the building with Dean.

Eddie passed Buck’s car and waved him goodbye. Buck cracked a smile and nodded but started his car. He needed to get out of the parking lot because he did not know what he could possibly say to Eddie. Since Eddie had mumbled those fearful words into Bucks ear, the latter was a bundle of nerves. He got it. Because he would say the same to Eddie if their roles were reversed. Currently, he tried to differ his thoughts of what Eddie had meant. A week ago, Buck would not have given a single thought about it. Now he had to tell himself it didn’t mean more than it had meant a week ago.

It meant that they were a team, they worked in harmony and that they were each other’s family. Somewhere in his mind a thought sparked, that maybe it could also mean ‘I can’t live without you. I need you. I need you in my life.’ 

Buck was relieved that he could dodge out of Eddie’s way because he promised to spend the evening with Maddie. They hadn’t seen each other for some quality time in a while and Buck had offered Buckley-Sibling-Night at his place. So, he picked up some Chinese food on his way home and wasn’t surprise to find Maddie already waiting.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Don’t you worry – I know the schedules.”

Maddie got the plates, two glasses and a bottle of wine from Buck’s kitchen. They placed everything on the couch table, threw the pillows on the ground, and made their selves comfortable.

“Movie?”

With a sip of wine in her mouth, Maddie shook her head before she gulped it down and choked out a chuckle.

“No, just turn the radio on. I wanna hear about your day.”

The radio was a soft background sound so both could vent about their day. Maddie told about the freaky calls, the calls that were completely not necessary and about the ones that had given her the chills. Buck told her about the calls they had answered, about the structure fire but without telling her about the hug or Eddie in general.

He told her about Chim and the dance he had done when he helped Bobby in the kitchen earlier. Maddie laughed and Buck joined her, ever amazed by how contagious Maddie’s laughter could be. Just as the laughter started to die down a melody caught his attention. Buck turned his head towards the speakers were Elvis sang about fools rushing in love and his mind went on a memory-journey.

How Eddie had pulled him closer when Buck had brushed his thumb over Eddie’s neck. How he had blushed or how-

“Evan?” Maddie snapped her finger in front of his face and he returned his attention towards her. “Are you alright?”

Buck shook his had to snap out of his trance and put Maddie’s concern off with a hand gesture. Instead he took a big sip of his wine and felt himself tense up.

“It’s just…,” Buck begun but couldn’t finish.

“Oh come on, you can tell me.”

He looked over to Maddie, who had her glass of wine in her hand and waited for an explanation.

“The song just reminds me of, well, someone.” Maddie nodded, still silently to not scare him off – Buck knew that, because he remembered a few times when he had backed out of conversations with her when she had pushed him too soon.

“And I even when I don’t hear the song, I think about this person and I don’t know how to stop.”

“Why would you want to stop?”

“Because it’s complicated. It’s… Right now everything is good the way it is.”

“Does that someone know?” Maddie raised her eyebrows and tilted her head.

“Oh, Buck,” she hushed as she put her hand on his arm. “Do you want to tell or do you want advice?”

He held her gaze and finally nodded.

“Whoever it is, Evan, you have to tell. Just do it. Do it for yourself – to get it off your chest. Otherwise, you will regret it. Do it for them, because to be honest – you would want to know, wouldn’t you?”

“Probably,” Buck mumbled with frustration.

* * *

Instead of a movie, they had settled on a show and after one episode, Maddie excused herself for being too tired. Buck welcomed her early departure. Even though the shift wasn’t the hardest, he felt more and more that the thinking about his friendship with Eddie and what he might feel or not fell was draining his energy more than he had ever expected.

Buck did not change his clothes, he only fell backwards onto his bed and stared at his ceiling in the dark. He laid there for a while, drifting between irrelevant thoughts and memories of events with Eddie that made him smile. Like this first Christmas, when the elf had complimented Buck on their son or any moment that included spending time with Chris and Eddie in general. However, the smile made his heart skip a beat when he thought about their moments alone, bumping knees on the truck, hands on shoulders or their flirtatious tone when they bickered with each other.

He finally fell into a dreamless sleep and regretted his sleeping position the next morning.

Eddie was already at the station when Buck arrived; he was at the gym and Buck stole a glimpse, although it felt like eating a forbidden fruit. He got changed and joined Bobby in the kitchen.

“Morning, Buck. You don’t look… well rested?”

“Fell asleep on the couch, that’s all.” It was not all true nor a lie and Bobby did not inquire.

“Well, let’s take your mind of – we need to refill the groceries,” with that Bobby passed Buck by.  
“Buckle up, everybody – grocery run!”

Buck followed Bobby and joined Chim and Hen. Eddie was the last to come along, he sat next to Buck just as usual.

“You could have told me before I got to the gym, Cap!”, Eddie said out loud while Chim and Hen chuckled. Buck on the other hand just paid attention – his first impulse had been to just focus on _something_ but Eddie but now he was very aware that Eddie would have showered if he have had the chance. Or that there was sweat running down Eddie’s spine. _Keep it together, Buckley._

Bobby assigned them in the common pairs when they arrived at the store and since they could be on a tight schedule, they got started right away.

As he walked the aisles one by one while he pushed the cart, Eddie picked the food from the shelves. When they turned a corner, Buck paused. How had he not realize where they were? His gaze drifted to the spices and breathing suddenly was harder. Eddie had continued his walk; he was already around the corner but came back immediately. His face was full of concern when he rounded the cart and stopped right beside Buck to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Is everything okay?”

Buck locked eyes with Eddie as if he hoped it would tell him what he was thinking because Buck was not sure if he could explain it.

“Buck?”

“I just hadn’t been here for a while.” Eddie startled and leaned back; he let his eyes roam and the look of confusion and concern shifted into realization and regret. When he opened his mouth to say something, Buck interrupted him.

“Don’t. It’s fine.”

 _Exhausting. You are exhausting, Buck._ A cold shiver ran down Buck’s spine but the hand on his shoulder tightened its grip.

“Buck, no. Not you, Buck. I, I didn’t say that right back then,” Eddie used both his hands on Buck’s shoulders but the younger one let his head drop.

“I know what I said,” Eddie begun, his voice a careful whisper, “I said you were, but – Buck, I know I should never have said it. Nothing about you is exhausting.”

Buck looked up but sank his gaze just as quickly. “Don’t, Eddie – it’s alright.”

“No, let me. You are a big guy, with big feelings and a big – a giant heart and… and damn it, Buckley. I was not capable to understand, because after I came back, after Shannon,” Eddie trailed off but he had Buck’s attention.

“Evan, I wasn’t enough back than – I did not enough space for all of you in me. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. We both were… not in good places. But Buck, you are not exhausting, do you hear me?”

Buck blinked. “You don’t have to say that, I know I’m a lot sometimes.” Eddie cocked his head to the left and narrowed his eyebrows.

“Don’t you dare,” his voice was low and Buck swallowed hard. He always did when Eddie used his army voice. So, instead Buck nodded. Not just because he felt like he had to but because he wanted to believe it. His pocket buzzed and he broke eye contact with Eddie. It was Maddie.

“Take it, I finish the run.” Eddie already took the cart but before he could turn the corner, Buck called out after him.

“Smuggle some of those gummy worms into the cart, would you?”, he grinned wolfishly.

“I’m not buying you junk food, Buckley!”

Later, after Maddie had ended the call – thankfully no emergency just a quick call to get help for a present for Chimney – and Buck had sat down next to Eddie on the truck, the brown haired fire fighter bumped his knee against Buck’s. Everything was normal.

At the station, when Buck changed after the shift, Eddie handed him the bag of gummy worms.

* * *

After a welcomed shower, Buck was hopeful to finally get a good night of sleep. With sweatpants and an old shirt on, he walked back downstairs, flopped onto the couch and started the show he had started with Maddie. It was lighthearted and took his thoughts off his day. The knock on his door took him by surprise.

On the other side of the door stood Eddie, a six pack of beer in his hand and a smile on his face.

“Chris is at a sleepover, so I thought…,” Eddie trailed off, his eyes fixated above Buck’s eyes. On instinct, Buck ran his hand through his still damp hair and stepped aside just as he saw Eddie licking his lips.

Buck gestures towards the living room and followed Eddie. The atmosphere had changed around them, or maybe just around Buck whenever Eddie was around. He scanned his apartment and ran a hand over his shirt. He scanned it quickly to make sure it had no holes or stains.

When Eddie sat down, Buck choose the other end of the couch took a beer and returned his eyes to the screen. He didn’t drink much but he let his eyes wander to Eddie every once in a while. Whenever he did so, Eddie caught his gaze and Buck felt more uncomfortable each time.

The knock of Eddie’s bottle as he placed it on the couch table got Buck’s attention.

“Okay, Buckley – what is going on?” Eddie leaned his forearms on his thigh and eyed Buck intently.

Buck placed his bottle down on the table as well and felt all the frustration cooking up.

“I can’t, Eddie . I don’t know how to be around you anymore.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “What do you mean by that?”

“I – I don’t know how to be around you – who to be around you.” Buck didn’t make sense and saw the confusion on Eddie’s face.

Eddie turned his hands up and shrugged his shoulders. “Be yourself, man.”

Buck chuckled at that and flopped back into the cushions.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Eddie raised his voice, his nostrils widened and Buck saw him clenching his fists. Buck couldn’t hold Eddie’s gaze and closed his eyes.

“If I am myself, then I’ll – I’ll”, Buck whispered and Eddie let out a groan. Buck heard how he got up and started to pace.

“No, Buck. Not again. I told you! You are enough! You are not – and I mean it – you are not exhausting!”

For a brief moment, Buck considered just taking the easy way out and making it about the conversation they have had at the store but he couldn’t. He could not keep up with the sleepless nights, the tension between Eddie and him. And moreover, Maddie had been right. He would want to know. He would want Eddie to tell him. However he had never thought, it could be so hard to just say it. Because – if he was honest – he was not even sure what he was going to say.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” his voice was no longer a whisper. It surprised Buck how calm it sounded. Eddie stopped pacing.

“Then what is it?”

Buck inhaled deeply and leaned back onto his thighs. He couldn’t look at Eddie, although he would want to see his reaction but Buck was not ready for it.

“If I am myself,” he begun and took another deep breath, “If I am myself, I don’t know if I can hold back anymore. Then I need you to… I need you to – fuck.”

He shook his head and wished he would find the words. Eddie puffed a laugh.

“That was bold.”

Buck’s head snapped up and his cheeks were flushed.

“No! No – I mean. Damn it, Diaz.”

Eddie took a seat across from Buck on the couch table.

“Okay,” Eddie had lowered his voice again, “what do you need me to do, Evan?”

The shiver made Buck close his eyes and he couldn’t hold the sign back.

“I don’t know, Eddie.”

Eddie extended a hand to rest it on Buck’s knee.

“When did it start – the not knowing?”

 _A week ago. When I couldn’t call you. When you trusted me with your kid. I don’t know. When we met._ Instead his words weren’t audible, it was a mumble if anything.

“Buck?”

“At Carla’s party. When… when we danced,” Buck simply said the truth and dared to look into Eddie’s face. His best friend still looked at him with confusion, also with a little concern and frustration, but he nodded.

“Alright,” Eddie clapped on his thighs and got up, offered Buck a hand and waited. Buck looked at the hand and then up to Eddie before he took it. Eddie stepped closer and put his other hand on the small of Buck’s back. Even though Buck was in a form of shock, he heard Eddie humming and he followed his lead. His eyes fixated on the wall across from him but soon he let it drop to Eddie’s shoulders and he gave in. Buck rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder and just enjoyed the moment. Eddie moved his head, so his lips were mere inches away from Buck’s ear.

“You were never too much,” Eddie’s breath ghosted along Buck’s neck, but when Buck tried to lean back he felt the hand on his back pushing him closer to Eddie, “But the feelings sometimes were too much for me – my feelings. The feelings I had when I thought about you or saw you. The feeling of longing, needing you but not having you. The feeling I had to hold back, because of all the reason but mainly because I would never want to lose you. Those feelings were exhausting. But never you. It took me a while, but I think I started to grow into them and since I realized that the might were huge, they also made me whole, I just went with it. So, when we danced at Carla’s party I decided not to hold back, because I had the chance to hold you close.”

Buck released a shuttered breath.

“So, wait – you, you…,” Buck mumbled into Eddie’s shoulder as he realized that he apparently was late to the party. He didn’t imagine all of it, he was just late to get it. Eddie chuckled.

“Well, I told you to lead anytime you’d need me to.”

Buck leaned back and studied Eddie’s face. A soft smile rested on his lips and his eyes were hooded and warm. When Eddie’s hand started to stroke under the hem of Buck’s shirt, he let his eyes dart to Eddie’s lips, which widened into a grin.

After they stopped moving, Eddie leaned closer, and it encouraged Buck enough to close the distance between them. It was a soft brush and Buck’s eyelashes fluttered. A shaking breath escaped his throat and his hand curled in the back of Eddie’s neck.

Eddie took the opportunity, freed his hand, to cradle Buck’s face, and pressed his lips more firmly against Buck’s. He ran his tongue softly over Buck’s lower lip and it draw a gasp from the younger man, which was enough for Eddie to deepen the kiss.

“You okay?” Buck wetted his lips and nodded at Eddie’s question.

“Do you know what you need me to do now?”

Buck’s cheeks were heating up and by the way Eddie’s eyes scanned his face and how he ran his thumb over a cheek it made Buck melt.

“I just need you.”

Eddie grinned and claimed Buck’s lips again. This time Buck was braver, more involved. He let his hands roam over Eddie’s body and kissed him fiercely. Eddie pushed Buck who slowly started walking backwards. Buck didn’t mind as he tugged Eddie’s shirt. When it was gone he let his eyes ran over the broad chest and let his hands follow his eyes.

“Eager, aren’t you?”

“Huh?”

Buck felt struck and could hardly focus on Eddie’s words. However, when Eddie breathed a laugh, buck playfully shoved him into his shoulder but gained a quick peck on the lips before Eddie took his hand and made him follow him upstairs.

As soon as they entered Buck’s bedroom area, they were back on each other. Buck helped Eddie shedding his shirt and let the other push him onto the bed. Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s side as Eddie leaned over Buck, a leg between Buck’s and his lips against his. Just as Buck let his hands wander over the tanned back of the very hot man above him, he heard a phone ring.

“Mierda,” Eddie’s voice was husky but he stopped his movements to fish the phone from his pocket. With a groan, he flopped onto his back next to Buck, who was heavily breathing.

“Everything okay?”

Eddie huffed a laugh, “Yeah – it’s Hen. Look.”

He held the phone over Buck’s face, which lit up immediately when he saw Chris and Denny goofing around. Another text appeared.

> Chris wants to call you later before bed, that’s alright?

Buck snapped the phone from Eddie and answered.

> Absolutely.

Buck adjusted his position and laid his head on Eddies outstretched arm. They both chuckled and Eddie leaned over to give Buck another kiss. Much slower than the others but not less passionate.

“I need you to stay, Eddie,” Buck said as they part, a tender hand on Eddie’s face.

“I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a wrap!
> 
> First of all - thank you so much for reading and sticking aroung. Feel very free to leave kuds and comments (I really live on those!) 
> 
> But moreover I want to say I'm sorry. Within the last weeks I had a good routine and a good update schedule. But that broke away. 
> 
> Writing had been a huge help, since a loved one first was rushed to the hospital in early september, fought at the ICU, than lost the fight and also when I had to plan and help with the funeral. However, since the funeral I have fallen a little, I finally found some rest to let it all sink in and I just couldn't do anything.  
> But I try to get back.  
> I actually have a few ideas and I really have to work on my other story and I really, really hope to get back into writing more frequently. 
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions feel free to get in touch here or find me on tumblr c:

**Author's Note:**

> Oops, I did it again. How did that happened? I thought one Buddie fic and I would be done... Haha, I didn't saw that one coming.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it - tell me what you think! Comments & kudos are very welcome :)
> 
> I will probably update within a week!
> 
> Have lovely week!


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